THE SECOND MARRIAGE

Divorce and remarriage is unquestionably one of the most controversial subjects in the Church today. Marriage is such an emotional issue that reason and logic are often laid aside in favor of feelings and intuition, when it comes to studying this topic. Another problem is that the waters are often clouded with seemingly endless side issues which distract from the real argument: is there any reason for which a man or woman may scripturally divorce and remarry?

The Bible plainly teaches, from its first pages to its last, that there is NO reason acceptable to God whereby a man or woman may divorce and remarry. But people begin to ask, “What if they weren't Christians when they were divorced?” “What if they have children now?” “What if...,” et cetera, ad nauseam?

It is one of these side issues which I wish to focus on here. Having already stated that the Bible does indeed teach that marriage is for life, and that there is no cause for which a person may scripturally divorce and remarry, I now turn to a slightly more difficult, but very important question. What happens when a divorced person does remarry and then that marriage ends? Where do all the parties involved, stand in the sight of God? There is the person who divorced and remarried as well as two spouses. We will seek to determine the scriptural paths each can take after the dissolution of the second marriage.

For the sake of clarity, I will give “names” to the parties involved so that we may more easily keep track of them. I will consider the case of a man who marries, divorces, and then remarries. The man will be referred to simply as “the husband.” The first wife will be “wife #1” and the second wife will be “wife #2.”

It is totally irrelevant which, if any, of the parties involved in our scenario were Christians at any time. The same laws apply to Christians and non-Christians alike. The conclusions we reach here are independent of all the other side-issues often brought up in a discussion of divorce and remarriage. We will attempt to stick strictly to the topic at hand.

When the husband divorces wife #1, it matters not why they divorced. It is irrelevant if it was the husband or wife who wanted the divorce or if it was by mutual consent. It is irrelevant if the husband or wife had been unfaithful to the other. All that matters is that they are divorced and that they are now bound by the commands of the Apostle Paul, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband. (I Cor. 7:11) The same would also apply to the man.

After the divorce, the two parties have two possible courses of action which God will accept. They may either remain single or they may get back together with each other. Marriage of either one to a third party is not acceptable at all as long as both are still living. It is as Paul said, for the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. (Rom. 7:2─3)

But as we have already established, our scenario involves a man who violates the commandment of God and does remarry. In order to cover additional ground, let us further stipulate that wife #2 had not been married prior to her marriage to the husband. After the husband has married wife #2, where do these two stand? As we just read, Paul said a woman who marries again, having a living husband, shall be called an adulteress. The Lord also said, whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she committeth adultery. (Mar 10:11-12)

The Bible is very clear that this relationship is an adulterous one. But why is it adulterous? Or for that matter, what exactly is adultery? We need to be very clear on the meaning of this word before we try to determine its application here.

Adultery is when two people, who are not married to each other, but at least one is married to someone else, engage in sexual intercourse. Let us now apply this definition to our situation. To state that the marriage is adulterous is to say that the two people are committing adultery. But by its very definition, adultery takes place between two people who are not married to each other. This means that God DOES NOT recognize this marriage! For adultery to take place, we further have to meet the stipulation that at least one of the persons involved is married to someone else. This means that God DOES still recognize the original marriage of the one who is divorced. Man may dissolve the marriage but God does not! What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mat. 19:6)

So when the husband and wife #2 separate (get a secular divorce), they are the same in God's sight as they were before they were “married” to each other. The husband still has the two options given him by Paul: to remain unmarried or to be reconciled to wife #1. Wife #2 is just as free to marry as any other woman who has never been married, since in the sight of God she never has been.

Another point to consider is the command Paul gave in I Corinthians 7 to the separated or divorced to remain unmarried or to be reconciled. As far as this or any other situation, is it ever too late to do what God says? Certainly not. Even if the husband does go and marry wife #2, he still has the option to repent and do as God commanded him. This means that he does have the option of getting back together with wife #1 even though he had been remarried. This can only be the case if he was never actually married to wife #2, or else he would still be married to her while living with wife #1, which would be an adulterous situation, since he has another living wife, wife #2. Clearly for this man to be able to do what God has commanded him to do, God must not recognize the second marriage.

God recognizes only one marriage at a time for any person. As long as both partners are alive they are married in God's sight, regardless of what they might do or say. It is only death which frees a man or woman from the bond of marriage, not the decree of a secular court. Any relationship where a man or woman marries another, while having a living spouse, even though it may be called a marriage, is really no different than two people “shacking up.” All it really amounts to is a man or woman living with another's husband or wife. This evil situation can be discontinued and the two people involved are no different, as far as their marital options are concerned, than when they first came together.

What constitutes a marriage? Various states in our country have been grappling with issue as gays and lesbians seek to become “married.” Does anyone believe God would recognize these marriages if they are allowed by a state? The original marriage law, as given in Genesis chapter two, is one man for one woman for life. Outside a provision given to the Jews in Deuteronomy chapter 24, this has always been and continues to be God’s law for marriage for everyone.

Different cultures have different ways in which two people become married. In our country, marriages involve a marriage license and a wedding ceremony where a Christian preacher officiates and vows are exchanged. A trip to the justice of the peace will also suffice to meet the legal requirements. What happened before there were any laws governing marriage, such as in Old Testament times? It appears that all that was really necessary was a father’s permission. A feast was customary on the wedding day, but I doubt it was required, and then the marriage was consummated on the wedding night.

Does it seem strange that God never gave any instructions on how to marry? He gave laws concerning marriage but not how to get married. I believe that we can interpret His silence on the matter as an indication that he does not care how individual societies handle marriages. I believe there is also a good reason why He did not institute an official marriage ritual. If He had done so, and people failed to follow it, then they would not really be married. Then we really would have the situation that many think exists today, where a man and woman married before becoming Christians and that they have the right to divorce and remarry.

God does not care how many recognizes two people as married because He has His own standards. When a man and a woman, neither of whom have a living spouse, decide to become married, by whatever means their society dictates, then God joins the together (Matt. 19:6). This is a key part of what Jesus said that most people miss. It is not a preacher, judge, or any other secular or religious authority that truly joins two people together; it is God. Will God join a man, who has a living wife, to another woman? The state may but God certainly will not.

Some argue that the Bible proves my previous argument to be erroneous. In Romans 7:3, which was mentioned earlier, Paul said, So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man. The argument is that the woman has a living husband but then is said to be married to another man. Does this show that God does indeed recognize the second marriage? I do not think it does. It is all a matter of semantics.

Assuming that God does not recognize the second marriage, how should she and this new man be referred to? They have gone through the secular process to become married, society considers them to be married, they live together as husband and wife, and she refers to this man as her husband. How could this verse be reworded to make it clear that God does not recognize the second marriage? (Did you notice that I even use the term marriage, even though I do not consider it as such?) Paul could have said, “So then if, while her husband liveth, she go through a secular marriage ritual with another man, and live with him as though she were his wife, and call herself such, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.”

We simply do not talk like that. Lawyers might, but ordinary people do not; and the Bible is written in ordinary language. Now notice what Paul said in I Corinthians 7:11, another passage we have already used. But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. Notice that it refers to her husband but also calls her unmarried. An unmarried woman does not have a husband! Anyone who presses the issue with Roman 7:3 forces the Bible to contradict itself here. The only solution is to recognize the generic way in which the word marriage is used.

The King James translators are actually the one who were caught up in the dilemma. Paul made it clear for us by not using the Greek word that is always used for marriage in Romans 7:3. Had he meant marriage he would have used the word he used elsewhere. The word Paul used in Romans 7 is “ginomai,” which Strong’s defines as “a prolonged and middle form of a primary verb; to cause to be, that is, (reflexively) to become (come into being), used with great latitude.” It is nowhere else translated as married, but it is translated as: was done (Mat. 1:22); be made (Mat 4:3); came to pass (Mat 7:28); there was (Mat. 28:20); and a host of similar phrases. This word actually occurs 672 times in the New Testament. This word is a verb that connects a subject with a condition; it relates how it came to be in that condition. In Romans 7:3 ginomai connect the woman and the new man. It literally means that she was with another man; nothing more.

We must realize that Paul was not teaching about marriage in Romans 3, rather he was using it as an example to illustrate the power of the Old Law over the Jews until the death of Christ. Just as a woman is an adultress if she sleeps with or cohabitates with another man while her husband is alive, so too the Jews could not be unfaithful to the Old Law until God (the Son) died on the cross ending the “marriage.” Most other translations avoid using the word marriage in this case and correctly use language that shows the woman being with or living with this man.

One final objection that should be addressed is found in Deuteronomy 24, where Moses made an allowance for divorce among the Jews. The part we want to look at is verse four, which says, Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the Lord thy God giveth thee for an inheritance. God made this allowance due to the hard-heartedness of the Jews (Mat. 19:8). A man would have to bring a charge of adultery against his wife in order to divorce her. It would have to be a charge he could not prove, else she would be stoned (Deut. 22:22). If he truly was getting rid of her because she was unfaithful (but he couldn’t prove it), then why would he ever want her back? On the other hand, if he was simply mad about something or had some other reason for running off an innocent woman, then he did not deserve her back. Apparently he had the option to take her back and the divorce did not become “official” until she actually married someone else.

Does this passage contradict the conclusion reached earlier that a divorcee who married again can go back to their original spouse? We are living now under a law that allows for no divorce and does not recognize a second marriage. Under the Law of Moses, Divorce was allowed and the original marriage ended. The difference in the two systems makes any comparison completely unbased.

Everyone would be much better off following God’s commandment from the start. However, in the world of fallen man, problems can and do arise. Marriage is a holy and sacred institution wherein God joins two individuals into one. Man has no power to dissolve such a union. Since only death can break this tie, a man and woman can always rejoin as husband and wife regardless of what sins they may have committed against each other and against God.